Conversations with real Army wives

I recently visited a friend in Tennessee. I went to help with whatever I could and provide her entertainment as she enters her eighth month of pregnancy. She is married to an Army helicopter pilot who is overseas at the moment. He was off-base running missions in the middle of nowhere, and in November he is coming back to Tennessee to be present for the birth of their first child. He will have to return to Afghanistan after the birth.

Every night we had dinner with a few of the other Army wives, their husbands in various stages of deployment.

One was waiting for her husband to come home in a couple of days for his R&R (rest and recuperation), a fact she did not share with her two small children because she wanted to make sure he was actually state-side before getting their hopes up.

One just had a baby five months ago. I'm not sure when her husband was last home, but as with the other wives, she will not see him again until February when he is scheduled to return stateside.

One had spent the last two weeks with her husband and their 1-year-old. My last evening there was my first time meeting her, and she got teary-eyed when the other wives asked how she was doing. For two weeks she spent time with the men of her life, her husband and her son, and now she would have to wait until the beginning of next year to see her husband again. She spends most of her time back home in Chicago while her husband is overseas.

The last wife just bought a new house with her husband, who is not scheduled to deploy until the end of the year. She just got a new promotion on the same day she was planning on quitting because she didn't get to spend enough time with her husband.

These women are extraordinary. All with different personalities, all dealing with the same rotten situation, all sharing the same emotions. It was fascinating to hear them talk about their feelings, their worries, the thoughts that run through their minds. They've created their own support system, beyond that of their own families, because they are all experiencing the same thing. They meet each night for dinner, rotating chefs for every meal, as well as staying in communication throughout the day.

They shared the frustrations they have with family who don't understand the position they are in. They talked about the fear that they will be "that widow" that everyone talks about. They gossiped about some of the other wives who complain on the internet and spread rumors and instigate controversy. They discussed the things their husbands tell them, and the things they know their husbands don't. The traded knowledge about raising their infants, things they came across as their babies got older. They helped each other with problems or answered questions another wife had. They talked about religion, and how life is not up to them to decide. They talked about talking with their husbands, who, though overseas, work very hard at calling and emailing and text messaging their wives and families to let them know they are OK. They discussed what it is to feel the anxiety of learning of a loss in the platoon and not knowing who it is, and trying to get as much information as possible from the few sources that report it, and the looming threat of the military vehicle that could arrive at their doorstep at any time of day with heartbreaking news. They expressed frustration with people who did not understand their lifestyle. They remembered what life was like in the other states their husbands were stationed in, and how different each place was. They listened.

The camaraderie among these very different women was so strong, and though the conversations they have are of a serious nature, but they share their stories and information in a way that is more comforting than worrying. For them to let me sit in and share a few meals with them was a great honor. For me to learn more about their lives and experiences was a great eye opener.

There are some things you talk about with a person who has a loved one in the military, and there are some things you don't. These women will only talk about the "don't" stuff with each other, people who know what it's like, people who can reassure them it will be all right once their husbands return. They don't think about the work their husbands are doing. They look forward to the day they can see their husbands faces and hold their husbands for a good long while. And they all work together to help each other get through it.