The helicopter parent

We have long known about these parents who are too involved in their child's everyday activities. They hover over their son or daughter, waiting for the moment when they will need mommy or daddy to solve the problem for them. It's all about insecurity, mostly on the part of the parent, and for those of us who have been involved in education it's getting a little old.

We no longer call them the helicopter parents, hovering over their beloved babies and making sure the kids never have to fend for themselves; the helicopter has become the bulldozer.

The bulldozer parent. It's very appropriate for today's world. This new breed of parent pushes their way into every situation to make sure that everything goes just as they planned... and by "they" we're talking about the parent, not the kids (the kids frequently don't really care). Bulldozer parents even push themselves into situations when nothing is wrong yet.

I spent 20 minutes today talking with one such mother. Nothing I could say would make her feel better about the situation. It wasn't even a situation warranting immediate attention. In summation of our conversation, her fear is that her son's roommate is too outgoing and won't help her very shy son adapt to college life. She thought it was a "red flag" that the roommate might not like video games as much, and she wondered who in their right mind was responsible for this situation. I had to explain to her the other side of the situation, and possible reasons why the future roommate did or said something, not the least of which was that maybe he wants to have some say in what goes on in their shared living space. I should have said, maybe it's a good idea that your son has someone that's more outgoing to show him a different side of life.

Seriously? First, your son hasn't even met this other kid, so hold off on assumptions. Second, your son is going to be living in the room, not you. And finally, you're going to have to let go at some point, and now is a good time to start.

I'm going to be blunt with all the parents out there in a panic that their child's first college experiences aren't going to be perfect: YOUR CHILD'S FIRST COLLEGE EXPERIENCES AREN'T GOING TO BE PERFECT. There is no way to plan for every situation. Half of the fun of college is experiencing new things. It's called a learning experience because you have to make accommodations when things don't go how you expected them, and you learn new things about yourself. If you expect it to be perfect you're going to be sorely disappointed. And the fact that they aren't perfect experiences now will make them great stories in the future when he or she is looking back on college.

And for the record: We get phone calls like this all the time. You're situation is not unique. And please stop making yourselves crazy. You are making us crazy as a result. We do note when crazy parents or students call the offices so we can keep an eye on you.